Am I Willing?...

Its a question God keeps bringing to my mind.

Am I willing..

~to do what it takes, to be 100% committed?
~to follow Him no matter what?
~to go where He sends me?
~to forget about material things and worldly opinions?

A lot of people don't understand the enormity of the questions above - me included Im sure-, we think yeah I am willing, but yet when it comes to the crunch, when God has journeyed with us to the pivotal moment, we run away scared of the change that will surely take place if we continue down the path. The change that will only bring us good, it might be throwing away the past, forgiving hurts or any number of things, yet we don't trust in God enough to allow Him to bring us through the process and out the other side, maybe also we don't trust our selves to really change and we question our ability to cope with the outcome. Whatever it is and whatever the reason, out trust seems to fail us.

When we commit ourselves to God for the first time, or a promise we make, everyday we need to constantly renew the promise, the reason behind it, least we forget or falter.

Im guilty, we sing a song at church and one of the line says 'I will go where you send me', I always sing it heart pumping, silently praying to God, that no matter what I am His, He can send me where He likes and I will go. Yet when opportunities arise, my logic kicks in; do I have the money? does this mean I wont see my friends wherever they may be for years? what about a qualification surely I need one of those to get anywhere in life?

And well guess what... God is like, well aren't I providing for you know, when you needed money didn't someone hand you some. Question is null, void. When I ask him about my friends, He's like you do a pretty good job with your laptop of keeping in touch, why do you think I gave you one. Question is null, void. When I ask about qualifications, He answers with a resounding No, look at the people around, where they have gone for my Kingdom, if you need them, when the times comes you will get them. Question is null, void.

Yet still I question, and so I began to wonder, when I began to trust so little. All throughout my life God has kept me safe, with the help of friends like samand countless others; ash, tom, kate...Alone these past year and a half have been testimony to God goodness, but mixed with the past, the evidence is overwhelming, trust is the one thing I should be able to do.